I believe that I am never
“too depressed” to give up
Growing up as the only child of a twenty-year-old single-mother-by-choice
I was lavished with attention and affection from a young age because I was the
first grandchild. From a young age, I
knew that my mother had challenges. She
was severely depressed, and often suffered migraine attacks. At the tender age
of two, I knew that my mother struggled just to get out of bed in the morning,
and that there was little to nothing that I could do about it because of my age.
When
I became a teenager, one of my uncle’s girlfriends (Anna) had gotten on
disability for depression. This
irritated my mother. She had spent most
of my life just struggling to provide for me.
The idea that one could just stop working to provide for their family
and languish on disability for the rest of their lives upset her strong work
ethic. One day, while talking about Anna
to me, she brazenly stated, “You’re never too depressed to go to work.” As a teenager, this meant nothing to me. However, when I entered the work force,
haunted by my own worsening (and then untreated) Bipolar Disorder, the
statement suddenly became a motto. I would
wake up on difficult mornings, hearing her voice in my head, reminding me that
I was never too depressed to go to work.
Slowly, I would put one foot on the floor, and force myself to go to
work. That off-hand comment suddenly
changed my entire work ethic. More than
that, it changed how I viewed myself in relation to the world around me.
My
mother struggled her entire life, just to function and be a productive member
of society while raising her children.
In my 20’s, I started experiencing a little bit of her life, though with
different problems. I was struggling at
school. I was struggling at work. I was struggling at life. My illnesses were ravaging my life.
Yet,
her voice in my head, demanding that I was never too depressed (or too manic,
or too whatever) to work, made me rise to the occasion. I learned that what she had said in an
off-hand comment had begun to affect me on a different level. What she had meant to say was that one should
never give up and lay down in bed with their illnesses. There’s no reason for it. You have to keep
fighting. Dylan Thomas has a famous poem
that says “Rage, Rage against the dying of the light.” My mother stating that one is “never too
depressed to go to work” was less about Anna and more about her own struggles,
her own fight to rage against the dying of the light. It later became mine.
I
never gave up. I am still fighting through
my illnesses. I eventually got
professional help, which was a lift raft in the storm. I began to fight the darkness. I found that I could get out of any hole I
found myself in, even if I had to break my nails crawling out. I was never going to be too depressed to call
it quits. I won’t say that it’s been an
easy battle; It hasn’t been. But my
mother’s voice in my head reminds me that I can do literally anything that I
put my mind to, be that overcoming illnesses and challenges, to excelling at
work (or school, in this case). I
believe that I’m never too depressed to quit on life. I believe that I am strong and that I am
capable. With the help of a great
medical team, I was able to be successfully treated and stabilized. Now I am able to do anything. I have a great life and I am a successful
person. All that I have done in my life
is because of my mother’s offhand comment.
Never being “too depressed to go to work” has pulled me through some
very dark times. However, I am a success
because of this offhand comment. It
motivates me to keep going.
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Grade: 98/100
Professor comments: MLA date. Font should be the same throughout - no bold or underline
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