Observation and
Description
“I don't do romance. My tastes are
very singular,” said Christian Grey in the bestselling novel, “Fifty Shades of
Grey,” by E. L. James. Almost as soon as the book began taking the world by
storm, BDSM practitioners and their advocates the world over emerged from their
dungeons to openly criticize the character as being a terrible representation
of what a “Dominant” was supposed to be.
(BDSM is an acronym representing “Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and
Masochism,” which is being used to replace the term “S/M” used in the text.) They
have openly stated that BDSM is more than just slapping, spanking, dominance,
and following orders; “It is about using power to create pleasure in what is
often an intensely trusting relationship.” (Seidman, 2015, page 247) Yet, we
are stuck in a world that constantly delegitimizes BDSM and reduces what is a
very powerful and intimate “scene” as being abnormal, “illegitimate,” and
absent of true love. (Use of the word
“scene” refers to the entire BDSM act.) Critics
of the lifestyle often ask, “Why would someone experience pleasure from
dominating or being dominated?” (p. 248) There is much I could write in
response, but in the interests of saving time, I will only focus on the
neuropsychology behind the act.
Conceptual Linkage
As someone in an active, full time,
BDSM relationship, I am almost universally told by people outside of “the
lifestyle” (a common term used by BDSM practitioners) that my caring, very
loving, and incredibly trusting relationship is seen as “just another sex act”
by the vast majority of Americans. What
they do not see, or perhaps purposely ignore, is that, to the BDSM practitioner,
physical and verbal dominance or submission can be the ultimate act of love, by
combining the two opposing dichotomies into one cohesive unit through their
“scenes.”
Seidman makes the point that “what
one person may experience as physical pain, another might view as pleasure.” (pp.
247-8) Though I do not generally enjoy most pains (as I am a person with
chronic pain issue), there is a special psychological event that happens during
intense scenes called “subspace” for the submissive, and “TopSpace” for the
Dominant. This means that there is a
point in a scene where the parties involved reach such a climax (for lack of a
better word) that the brain floods with endorphins like dopamine, oxytocin (the
love hormone), and serotonin. It is this
“space” that both parties seek through the application of pain and dominance,
and it is this flood of “love hormones” that creates the intensely trusting and
loving relationship between a submissive and their Dominant. Seidman argues, “(BDSM) can be understood as
part of a culture that tolerates separating sexual pleasure from love,
marriage, and procreation.” (p. 244) But
in fact, it is the exact opposite. When my husband inflicts pain on my body,
the pain is used as a vehicle to take me into “subspace” where I feel freed of
responsibility, worry, and doubt, where I am cherished, and loved. It is in TopSpace where my husband feels so
connected to me that there is nobody else in the world. Through BDSM, we “make love” to one
another. The “scene” itself is a bonding
process that serves to further unite us as a couple, rather than an act of pure
hedonism, as is speculated in the book.
Conceptual Insight
for the Future
Seidman argues, “…we should be
mindful of the gendered associations of (BDSM) in a society in which gender
organizes personal and social life, and in which gender inequality if
pervasive.” (p. 250) It is my hope for the future that the people who practice
BDSM will be able to “come out of the dungeon” (to quote a kink-positive friend
of mine) and address these concerns. The
community just disregards this element to the practice, citing “why must these
be viewed as gendered – as masculine and feminine?” (p.248) As our society
progress with LGBTQ* rights, as women stand up and demand equal respect, and as
society as a whole begins to open to the idea that what happens in the bedroom,
between consenting adults, is not the business of government or religion, kinky
people, as a community, will be better able to address these feminist concerns
about aggressive gendering. At the
moment, though, it is irrelevant to the matter.
We are still fighting the notion that we are “psychologically imbalanced
or troubled individuals.” Until we are allowed to discuss our lifestyle without
fear of social and legal reprisal, we cannot begin the heavy undertaking of
addressing this heteronormative assumption that is so forced upon us.
References
Seidman, S. (2015). The Social
Construction of Sexuality. (Third Edition). New York, NY: W. W. Norton
& Company.
---------------------Grade: 20/20
Professor comments: Nicely done....Reference is centered on your paper, not left aligned.
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