Sexuality for women has long been
one of those unmentionables. Expected to
be pure and chaste, “women were expected to be sexual but mostly it was a
marital duty and ultimately a necessary condition for creating a family.”
(Seidman, 2018, page 176) Women expressing sexuality outside of the marital
relationship were deemed sluts and whores, even after the sexual revolution of
the 60s and 70s. Birth control has been
restricted, abortion was outlawed, and sex for pleasure was (and, to some large
degree, still is) socially condemned. So
where does that leave a woman like me who has spent a good portion of her adult
life having sex for pleasure? How do I
define sex for myself in a society that wants to tell me that sex outside of
marriage is bad?
Conceptual Linkage
“When I first started having sex
with other people, I used to like to count them. I wanted to keep track of how
many there had been. It was a source of pride, or identity anyway, to know how
many people I’d had sex with in my lifetime.” (Christina, 2005, page 1) Like
the author, I was also very interested in the number of lovers I’d had across
my lifetime, and for a while I counted them very diligently.
Originally, I had prized my list as
an example of my prowess, and, ironically, my chastity. “I’ve only been with one other man in my
life,” I would say to my hypothetical children. “I’ve only been with 2 men
before I met your father… three men… four… well I can still only count my
lovers on one hand… using American Sign Language…” Just like the author, as
life went on, the list started being neglected, even as the number grew. I eventually let go of the number being a
source of my sexual identity. When I was in my mid-twenties, the list came back
into play as a friend had asked me to count up all of my lovers. I counted up the lovers, I was stuck in the
mindset of “what is sex”? Do I count that experience with Jennifer at Girl
Scout camp? Did Brandon and his premature
ejaculation count? I was at a loss. I figured I would count up the people with
whom I’d had an orgasm, but that left a lot of people off of my list. Do I count the people who sexually violated
me throughout my life? Where does the
list start? Where does it end? Who belongs on the list?
Reading the article, I saw a lot of
myself in the author’s struggle. I too
have struggled to define what is sex and who belongs on “the list.” “Perhaps having sex with someone is the
conscious, consenting, mutually acknowledge pursuit of sexual pleasure.”
(Christina, p. 3) If I use that definition, I have some clarity as to who
should be on my list of lovers, but I am no closer to understanding what
exactly constitutes sex with another human being.
Conceptual Insight for the Future
“The chief focus of the women’s
movement was initially to enact laws and legislation to protect women’s bodily
and sexual autonomy.” (Seidman, p. 180) The sexual revolution of the 1960’s and
70s set the course for opening up women’s sex lives by legalizing birth
control, abortion, and by making rape and sexual harassment illegal. It laid out the framework by which the modern
woman can choose to define her own list of lovers any way that she
chooses. Women also need to work closely
with the LGBTQA community to remove laws that unfairly target sex that isn’t
heteronormative or constrained to marriage.
Focault expressed it best by stating, “Words and gestures, quietly
authorized, could be exchanged there at the going rate. Only in those places
would untrammeled sex have a right to (safely insularized) forms of reality,
and only to clandestine, circumscribed, and coded types of discord.” (Focault,
1978, page 1)
References
Seidman, S. (2015). The Social Construction
of Sexuality. (Third Edition). New York, NY: W. W. Norton &
Company.
Christina, G. (2005). “Are We Having Sex Now or What.” The Erotic
Impulse. New York, NY: Penguin
Putnam, Inc.
Foucault, M. (1978). The History of Sexuality: An Introduction.
(Volume 1). France: Éditions Gallimard
Grade: 19.50/20
Professor Comments: You have (page 1) and then (p. 1) in the body of your work, use (p. 23) only after your initial set up. Great CJ - very well done...great topic.
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