The following questions as I stated earlier
involves (1) the reading of the essay by Greta Christina, "Are We Having
Sex Now or What?" This brings up the question of how each of us categorize
sex. What counts as having sex with someone, as noted in her article, in which
she also noted that "I kept doing more kinds of sexual things, the line
between sex and not-sex kept getting more hazy and indistinct" (p. 5).
Respond to her two comments in her essay, and in your own opinion answer the
question of "How you categorize sex?" and finally, answer the
question I asked earlier in the syllabus, "Is oral sex, sex?"
Greta
Christina starts her essay on “Are We Having Sex Now Or What” by describing her
excitement with counting the number of lovers she had enjoyed, only to go back
and wonder if she had really counted them all. (Christina, page 1)
For me, sex is anytime a genital is
touched by someone else. Though I grew
up hearing about “outer-course” and how it’s not as valid as a form of sexual
intercourse but still pleasurable.
However, I still classify “heavy petting” and mutual masturbation as
sex. Any time the genitals come out and
there is touching of the genitals by someone else, it’s sex. Oral sex is sex. “Heavy Petting” is sex. Watching someone
masturbate while you masturbate is a hazy grey area but as a woman who has had
sex with other women, I still classify it as sex. Penetration is obviously sex. If the goal of the activity is to pleasure
someone else, it’s sex.
My husband and I have had arguments
about whether or not oral sex is considered sex, but to me, again, any time the
genitals are touched by someone else, it’s sex.
The question SHOULD be what ISN’T sex.
Non-consensual genital exposure or touching is not sex. Wiping a baby while changing its diaper is
not sex. But two fourteen-year-olds on
mom’s couch, playing with each other under the blankets is sex. I do not count breast fondling as sex in and
of itself. But breast fondling that leads to genital touching would be sex in
my view.
Consensual
genital touching changes your relationship with the person you are
touching. Christian addresses this by
saying, “Knowing you’ve had sex, being conscious of a sexual connection,
standing around making polite conversation with someone thinking to yourself,
‘I’ve had sex with this person,’ that’s what always changes things.” (p. 2) In
my many years on this planet, I have come to the realization that having sex
with a person doesn’t always change your friendship. In fact, there are two people with whom I
have had consensual penile-vaginal sex with, where the sex only served to prove
to us that we were just better off as friends.
Having sex just made things clearer to us and solidified our friendships
as solely friendships. In this aspect,
Christina and I do not agree. However, she states later in the essay, “Perhaps
having sex with someone is the conscious, consenting, mutually acknowledged
pursuit of shared sexual pleasure.” (Pg. 3) And in this, we agree on what
defines sex.
For question 2, is have been duly noted that
we live in a sex saturated society, and your text talks about sex drives, sex
scandals, sex crimes, and sexual perverts, among many others. However, as you
well know (think of the supreme court fiasco over the last few days), as "sex
permeates every aspect of our lives from advertising to politics to our
relationship with others" (Strombler, et al., 2010, xiii). Comment on the
question that has been asked is "Why haven't women (young adolescents to
the elderly), who have been sexually assaulted never come forward until someone
else does and then many more tell their story? The confrontation of two women
who confronted Jeff Flake in the elevator was quite disturbing, eye-opening,
and very emotional, but one that needed to be addressed to the world, that she
and other women have held what happen to them in solitary isolation for
decades. Their story needs to be heard as all the other victims of sexual
assault or even attempted sexual assault as Dr. Ford's experienced some four
decades ago came out. I believe her! Comment on this ongoing social problem as
you see it and how you have responded to the actions of men who prey on women
of all ages.
As a
survivor of sexual assault who attempted to report her rape, I can really
relate to the women who wait to report their assaults. I was subjected to invasive questions,
disbelief from everyone around me, and the new label as a crazy ex-girlfriend
with a desire to “ruin that good boy’s reputation” (as my mother stated). I was
shunned, ignored, and called a liar. I
ended up retracting my claim and living with it in silence for 15 years (until
I was 30), because it took 15 years and his admission of guilt before anyone
believed me.
The
Bureau of Justice Statistics states that only about one-third of all rapes are
ever reported, while the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey
(NIPSVS, 2015) states that the number is closer to 14%. (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, 2014,
p. 479) Often, rapes go unreported BECAUSE of what we view in the media. We see women accuse Brett Kavanaugh of sexual
assault, only for him to end up on the Supreme Court and have the victim’s
lives destroyed because of supposed smear campaigns. We see women who report being called liars by
the cops, being told they shouldn’t have been out at that hour, drinking with
friends, or wearing that outfit. We see
rapists sentenced to a month or get off with just probation. We see hundreds of women come forward only to
have the court dismiss all of them and slap the assaulter on the wrist.
Rape is not taken seriously in our
society. There are laws, but they aren’t
enforced unless it’s considered “legitimate rape.” Politicians tell us, “Rape is kind of like
the weather. If it’s inevitable, relax
and enjoy it.” (Williams) We vilify survivors as slanderous and praise abusers
as being good people. It happens day
after day. Victims aren’t likely to come
out as survivors because they see what happens to survivors every single
day. They know that they aren’t likely
to be believed, they will be subjected to an incredibly invasive process at the
hospital, by law enforcement, and furthermore by the whole justice system. The current state of affairs doesn’t make me
wonder why victims do NOT report sexual assault. It makes me wonder why they DO.
References
Christina, G. (2005). “Are We Having Sex Now or What.” The Erotic
Impulse. New York, NY: Penguin
Putnam, Inc.
Rathus, S. A., Nevid, J. S.,
Fichner-Rathus, L. (2018). Human
Sexuality in a Changing World. (Tenth
Edition). New York, NY: Pearson
North America.
Williams, Clayton. Reported Interview. (1990)
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Grade: 30/30
Professor Comments: None
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